SalomeJustitia

Carnies.

The last dance blogger carnival was such a success that Natalia has decided to make it a monthly event.  So, new resolution, though belated: to participate in each month's topic.  This month: "From your ankles to the floor."

Shift.

Change of plans.  Reyna was given two options for Rakkasah: dance on the cabaret stage with our own taped music, or the main stage with a live band.  The cabaret stage only holds five, and we know from Rakkasah East how hard it is for a troupe to dance with a live band, even if totally awesome, and especially for an extended troupe performance.  So Reyna chose to cancel the Rakkasah trip.  Disappointing, but also a relief, because it was going to be really hard to fit in all the rehearsals and a trip to California in the middle of the semester.  And we don't have to do the fundraiser in February, either, so pressure is officially off.  We're still planning a big show in NYC in the spring sometime, but we have a lot more time to work on the choreography (and maybe even get the Amani El Omr piece finished - fingers crossed!).

And, the ballroom showcase was moved back from mid-April to the first week of May.  Three extra weeks of rehearsal!  Huzzah!  I'm glad I don't have any finals this semester (I think; I'll find out for sure next week, I guess), because the show is the Monday after my last Friday of classes.  This means no procrastination - my final papers have to be in EARLY so I can relax and dance my best.

Relax seems to be the name of the game.  My mind is much more relaxed then it has been, as winter break has been blissful and grades were better than expected.  Getting my body to relax is a different story.  I'm definitely having more fun, since I'm not so down, but I want my body to be down, sending energy into the floor.  It appears I'm putting my feet down in the right place at the right time, but I'm staying so pulled up-up-up that I'm not sinking into my hip which finishes the movement and fills out the music.  So, something to work on.  Maybe I should download the Frankie Goes to Hollywood song onto my iPod and play it on a loop.

Solicit.

So I know I complain about how hard law school is, but rest assured that when I'm well-rested, I realize what a privilege it is to be a future lawyer.  My goal is to work in the public interest (I'm not sure how, exactly, but still ...) and due to my prior career as a social worker and my current position at a legal services agency, I know what an honor it is to work daily with strong people who have been through some tough times and simply need a helping hand to get their lives back on track.  It seems so simple, but something as little as knowing legal jargon, or being able to get court fees waived, can make a huge difference in the life of a person.

The problem is, the public service sector is woefully underpaid.  Even as a scholarship student, I'm racking up huge debt to pay for tuition, books, and rent (not to mention dance classes to keep me sane, but I digress ...).  Students who go into public interest work face a lifetime of paying off student loans, and students who want to intern for the summer at public interest organizations do it on a volunteer basis.  In that vein, darling readers, I am searching out donations for Cardozo's 15th Annual Goods & Services Auction, which raises money for stipends granted to students summering in unpaid public interest positions.  The stipend isn't a quarter of what students summering at big firms make, but it allows us to eat and pay rent, and that's saying something.  So, if any reader out there has an item or service they would like to donate to the auction, or would like to make a cash donation of any size, or has a rich and/or famous friend or family member who would like to do either, email me or post a comment and I'll put you in touch with the right people.  And if I get a grant, I'll toast you each time I can afford to eat lunch and refill my Metrocard.  Cheers!

Agita.

So,  it's official.  I'm nervous about all the upcoming performances.  I've actually been having a hoot (thanks, Mom, for all the Midwesternisms) with the cha-cha lately.  Since I've been away from school I feel so much like myself again, and am remembering to have FUN, which surprise, surprise, makes me a better dancer.  I feel like it's starting to come together, and we've got down the first cha-cha part and marked the salsa break, which will be finalized next week.  BUT, that means back in front of Tony to finish the end choreography, so I know I'll lose all ability and fall over myself.  Still, fun, and I do have until April to finally do it up to full speed!

The bellydance choreography is not going quite as well.  The girls are all back save one, and the six of us going out to California have been chosen, as have the two dances we'll be doing.  The Amani El Omr veil piece is not going to be ready, which is heartbreaking because I love it and I thought I was fairly strong in it.  Instead we'll be doing a Zambra, which is exciting but nerve-wracking (though I do get to live out my flamenco fantasies) and the drum solo all the other girls know perfectly and I'm trying to learn via DVD - though the others are taking pity on me and helping me out after class.  I can pretend March is far away, but this airfare-raising student showcase in February is weighing on my mind.  All of the others performed in the big annual show last spring, and so have routines to do, but me?  Who knows?

In better news, still no soda has passed these lips, though I wanted one after class tonight!  Been allowing myself tea for a little caffeine kick, but yea! resolution kept.

Coke-head.

So ... a part of my resolutions for the new year was to eat healthier, and I knew that would include cutting out soda all together.  I'm an all-or-nothing person, so I can't be a "social Coke drinker" like some people I know.  This is so hard!  I've been a Coke-head for years, ever since my starving ballerina phase, when we would all toss back the calories from regular, sugary Coke to keep us going.  An unhealthy start and an unhealthy habit, but a habit nonetheless.  But 95 hours down, the rest of my life to go!  Those cravings will stop eventually, right ... RIGHT??

Successful carnival.

Once again, thanks to Natalia for organizing the dance blogger carnival, which is now live at Bellydance: Experiences.  Some fantastic reading, and inspirational goals.

New steps rumoured!

When I was dancing ballet, I knew all the steps.  Sure, not each one was perfect (was any one perfect?), but yell out a step and I could immediately dance it.  The fun, and the creativity, was in the way those steps were put together.  The dancing was really in the transitions by the time I left ballet.

I'm remembering what it was like before I'd reached that point, when my teacher would demonstrate a new step and tell us the name, then break it down slowly and help us through it.  That was such an amazing experience, all of us working together to "get it."  There would be no competition in those moments - that would come later - but just all of us in awe of this new, fantastic thing we wanted our bodies to do.

The last few weeks, bellydance class has been quite small, as many of the girls are off visiting family across the country and abroad.  I've been one of three for the past two weeks, and I'm so glad I've been making it into the city for these classes.  The personal attention has been amazing, and Reyna has been really happy with my performance.  But even better is that with such a small class, there's a lot more play involved.  Reyna will turn to me and say, "Look, try this."  And there I am, 10 years old in pink tights and new toe shoes again, saying "What is that?" and "Show me again?"  Practicing in the mirror at home, spinning and spinning until I'm dizzy, in love with a new step.

Resolve.

As 2007 fast approaches, I look forward to the next twelve months in my dancing life.  My one true goal for this upcoming year is to stretch.  Stretch my body and stretch my mind.  Expand past the bonds that constrain me – stress, fear, insecurity, habit – and allow my dancing to grow.

What are New Year’s resolutions but desires to push yourself further than the year before?  In this next year, I resolve to feel boundless.  I resolve to stop saying I can’t and start saying I will, with practice and dedication.  I resolve to treat my body better and provide it with healthy fuel. I resolve to open myself to more varieties of dance to provide me with inspiration in my genres.  I resolve to be fearless and be willing to fall.  I resolve to let out the various parts of my personality.  I resolve to see the humor and fun in dance.

But what generalities!  In 2007 I will:

*  Perform in spaces bigger than my bedroom and in front of people besides the person in the mirror.  With my bellydance troupe I will be attending Rakkasah West, and I want to perform my best.  I want Reyna to trust that I will know the choreography down pat, perform it full-out, and be a positive reflection on her teaching skills.  I also don’t want to be put in the back, so really working it at class is necessary to demonstrate my “front line” potential!  This year I also want to get up the nerve to bellydance solo.  We’re doing a showcase to raise money for our trip, and I’d like to perform a short solo routine, hopefully giving me the courage to seek out solo performance opportunities over the course of the year.  I'll be performing Latin ballroom for the first time this year, as I’ve signed on to do the studio showcase in the early spring, and I’m not backing out!  I want to feel comfortable with my routine and start to develop some ease of Latin movement.  I want Tony to recognize his choreography and for Michael to not feel like my life raft, but like a dance partner. And for all of these performances, I want to have no concerns about inviting people I love to come and see.  I love to talk to those around me about my dancing, but I get nervous allowing them to see me dance.  I'd like for my performances this year to have those I love watching in the audience.

*  Increase my practice time.  Time is at a premium in my life, and dance classes are expensive.  Still, even if I can't increase my studio time, I'd like to increase my flexibility, including getting down into the splits again. This means taking the time to warm up and stretch at home every day.  I also want to feel no guilt about taking dance class when busy at school. Dancing is an important escape for me, and I need to acknowledge that I will be a better student when I am a more well-rounded person.  I'd also like to get over some of my fear of the unknown and take drop-in classes at studios around the city to challenge myself and make sure I'm not falling into any ruts or patterns.

*  Watch more dance.  I think looking back over this blog proves that when I witness a dance performance that moves me, I am inspired in my own efforts.  So I hope to see more dance performances, this year, especially performances outside of the genres I am usually attracted to.

*  Stay positive.  This is a two-pronged effort for me.  I'm glad I looked back over 2006 and accentuated the positive, because I have a tendency to get very down on myself and my abilities.  I want to learn to accept compliments and criticism equally, instead of always dismissing complimentary comments as "just being nice."  I want to take pride in my increase in skill, instead of always focusing on what is left to learn.  I want to have a healthy body image and not fret about not having the ideal body for whatever genre, which leads into letting all the old ballet hang-ups and negativity go and just moving on as a person meant to do a different type of dance.  Dancing is fun, and I want to have a lot of it this next year!

Done.

And done.  The semester is finally, blissfully over and I have almost a month of break to rest, relax, and dance!

Reflect.

2006 has certainly been a turning point in my dance life.  It was the year I came back to dance again as an outlet and a passion.  In this year I advanced from beginning bellydancer to troupe member, and while I'm still "the new girl" and behind on some abilities, I think I have proven myself to my teacher and fellow dancers to be dedicated and desireous to keep learning and improving.  I've gotten a nice start on the zills and I think I look pretty good with a veil (although I have to hem my commercially-made ones - not made for shorties!).

In the latter part of this year I found a ballroom studio that suits me and pushes me to tap into a part of dancing and body movement very foreign to me (funny that the Western ballroom style feels more foreign than the Middle Eastern movement).  I was frustrated today (as always, my comprehension is doing laps around by movement ability) and Michael pointed out that I've only had about 20 hours of lessons - "I dance that much in two days," he said.  That's a good way to gain perspective.  I'm proud of how far I've come in "two days."  In "two days" I learned the basic patterns of the waltz, foxtrot, jive, rumba, salsa, hustle, and I'm actually getting decent at the cha-cha.  In "two days" I learned half a routine that I'm going to perform in the spring.

This year I discovered a dance/performance scene in New York I had known almost nothing about.  I've watched some amazing women fight back against society's image of the ideal female form and proudly strut and shimmy and shake.

I embraced my true dance fan (dork?) and reached out to others.  I started this blog and electronically met some truly gifted, supremely funny, and always passionate dancers across the country and throughout the world.  I've exchanged ideas, discussed failures and triumphs big and small.

It's certainly been a year: I danced at Rakkasah and didn't fall off the stage, I met Tony and Melanie and didn't turn into a blubbering idiot, I was bestowed with a burlesque name (though I haven't yet used it!) and I braved the web.  I expected too much of myself and occasionally lived up to my own expectations.  I started to let my old ballet hang-ups go.  I remembered that dance is fun, and I had a hell of a lot of it.  I can't wait to see what new dance adventures next year will bring.