SalomeJustitia

New direction.

So, it looks like I'm going to be needing a new title for my blog ...

After much soul-searching and discussion, I have made the decision to withdraw from law school and return to the working world - where, I'm not sure yet, but now is the time to move on.  I know!  I'm feeling a lot of things right now, but mostly excitement to start the next phase of my life.  In my heart, I have known for some time that I didn't actually want to be a lawyer.  But I have so many things I am passionate about, and now I need to figure out how to incorporate the things I truly love and am good at into my working life.  I knew that if I didn't go ahead and take this jump (with no safety net!) I would simply stay out of habit.  So big changes are afoot, and I'm sure I'll have plenty to say on the subject in the upcoming weeks.  As for now, my dancing is going to stay the same - maybe I'll even get to take a few more classes now that I have joined the ranks of the unemployed!

In the meantime, how about nominations for new blog titles?  I think I'd like to keep the Salome, but maybe incorporate a ballroom element.  SalomeSamba, in a nod to Tonya?  Or something with a Shimmy in it?  That covers bellydance and Latin - hmm, I like that a lot, maybe I'll run with that.  Who has ideas?

Bright and early.

Everyone knows that I am not a morning person.  My internal clock would most enjoy going to bed at 3 am and waking up about 11 or 12, and if I were left to my own devices, such as being a hermit in a cave or something, this is what I would do.  However, the trappings of a life amongst society seem to get in the way, and so it is not to be.  I recently began taking my ballroom lessons in the morning, and to my shock I discovered that while I may not be a morning person, I am a morning dancer.  How wonderful to dance before the stress of the day gets in the way, to dance with a sleep-fed body and relaxed mind.  Sadly, law school has struck again and now I must edit law journal articles at that time and dance in the afternoons.  I'll miss you, morning dances ...

Candles.

Guess what, readers?  I got a digital camera for my birthday, so once I figure out how to use it, there are going to be a lot more images on this blog; huzzah!  Got to break up that text!

Had a birthday ballroom lesson this morning, per my new schedule of taking lessons before I get all stressed out by law school classes for the day.  I was definitely more relaxed to start, but being in the studio in the morning is slightly (okay, very) intimidating because it is mostly professionals and coaches, not beginners with their teachers like me.  Last lesson before meeting with Tony again to finish the choreography next Monday night, and I'm spinning out of control - literally.  What happened?  I used to be able to turn and turn and turn no problem, and now I'm wobbling all over the place, losing my spot, and raising my elbow in a most unfortunate way.  Will be practicing with the good old faux partner - the wall - all this weekend, I'm sure (except for the 8 hour class I have on Sunday.  Yeah.).

Solicit.

So I know I complain about how hard law school is, but rest assured that when I'm well-rested, I realize what a privilege it is to be a future lawyer.  My goal is to work in the public interest (I'm not sure how, exactly, but still ...) and due to my prior career as a social worker and my current position at a legal services agency, I know what an honor it is to work daily with strong people who have been through some tough times and simply need a helping hand to get their lives back on track.  It seems so simple, but something as little as knowing legal jargon, or being able to get court fees waived, can make a huge difference in the life of a person.

The problem is, the public service sector is woefully underpaid.  Even as a scholarship student, I'm racking up huge debt to pay for tuition, books, and rent (not to mention dance classes to keep me sane, but I digress ...).  Students who go into public interest work face a lifetime of paying off student loans, and students who want to intern for the summer at public interest organizations do it on a volunteer basis.  In that vein, darling readers, I am searching out donations for Cardozo's 15th Annual Goods & Services Auction, which raises money for stipends granted to students summering in unpaid public interest positions.  The stipend isn't a quarter of what students summering at big firms make, but it allows us to eat and pay rent, and that's saying something.  So, if any reader out there has an item or service they would like to donate to the auction, or would like to make a cash donation of any size, or has a rich and/or famous friend or family member who would like to do either, email me or post a comment and I'll put you in touch with the right people.  And if I get a grant, I'll toast you each time I can afford to eat lunch and refill my Metrocard.  Cheers!

Done.

And done.  The semester is finally, blissfully over and I have almost a month of break to rest, relax, and dance!

Shop.

Going to a Jewish law school has its ups and downs.  Ups: balancing out that Catholic undergrad experience, fantantic pastries, and so many holidays off in October!  Downs: Kosher pizza and finals going right up until Christmas.  I've been shopping here and there, sneaking up to the Christmas Fair at Union Square and ordering lots of stuff online, but I haven't been able to shop like I like to.  I like to fancy myself a thoughtful gift-giver, but the hardest by far this year was dealing with dance teacher gifts.  This seems to be a common complaint - there was a whole thread on The Winger board about it (okay, started by me) and Swan Lake Samba Girl has been agonizing as well.  It goes back to that intimacy issue I posted about awhile back.  On the one hand, here is someone you see on a regular basis, who knows a lot about you physically and mentally, but it's still a professional relationship.  For Michael, I finally decided to go with a customized gift from one of my favorite places, Neighborhoodies.  The sweatshirt reads "bucket" in the Cosa Nostra print - quite gangster.  I explained in the card that if he ever got tired of reminding us remedial cha-cha-ers to "put your foot in the bucket" he could wear the sweatshirt and just point menacingly.  I did go with my original thought of a gift certificate to Lauren, who works the front desk and gives me all my reminder calls - unoriginal, but she liked it!  When I went to Capezio to pick it up (can't stay away) I discovered that they stock kneepads in every color, a fact I really could have used when I sifted through every Paragon, Modell's and Foot Locker in the city looking for a pair for bellydance floor routine rehearsals.

Alive.

Finals are finally winding down and I seem to have made it out alive.  One more take-home exam and I'm all done and get to go to NJ for some R&R and lots of blogging, I'm sure.  I wish finals didn't take such a toll on me, however.  I haven't been my dancing self lately, and I had to pull out of a gig last Friday (I was replaced without a hitch, so no harm done) because I felt I just couldn't put myself out there as a representative of my teacher when I was so "off."  Hopefully a new year will bring a new perspective and energy.  More on reflection and resolutions to come ...

Crick.

I hadn't realized how much I was using dance as a liferaft to get me through the neverending suffering that is law school finals until the old neck problems reared up again.  After being totally immobilized Saturday, I felt much better Sunday and after a good night's sleep provided me by what is probably a dangerous dose of Advil, I thought I was ready to do a double bellydance class Monday night.  Everything was going well, until I went down into a backbend and my neck just went back into full tense mode.  I finished the second class basically marking anything where my head wasn't directly over my shoulders, looking quite automatronic.

Woke up this morning and knew I wasn't back to normal yet, but I really didn't want to miss my lesson with Michael, so I wrapped a scarf around my neck to keep it warm and headed out.  Got through the lesson, but expended so much energy trying not to exacerbate the injury that it was hard to focus on what I was supposed to be doing.  On the bright side, we did get through more of the choreography for the showcase, so that's coming along slowly but surely.

Not dancing full out for the last few days hasn't provided me with the release I'm used to.  I'm seeing obstacles instead of challenges.  I hope I'm back up to speed soon (early Christmas wish, Santa?).

Immobile.

In the midst of a flurry of finals and final papers right now, but managed to sneak in a dance class or two before the complete insanity kicked in.  I'm feeling more confident about my cha-cha, and for the hour I'm there I manage to forget about everything I'm supposed to be doing at my desk (well, for at least 25 minutes of the hour).  I finally "get" the check-step; not only that I remember to do it, but I'm really allowing it to stop my motion completely and give me that nice pause and settle before the next movement, which allows me to not to rush the NEXT movement, and so on.  Still fast, but not impossibly so - a big change in perspective.

Was almost falling over in bellydance - exhausted, coming off a migraine and fully medicated, and just really feeling the strain of the world.  This strain, of course, exacerbated the old neck problems, so I've spent the last two days incapacitated and unable to move my head without ice-pick-type pain.

Amazing what a visit from Mom can do, though.  Apparently I was too thin the last time she saw me, so she and Dad came bearing groceries today, which were most welcome.  And after their visit and two good meals, I'm feeling much improved and have a fuller range of motion!  Hooray for parents!

Flexible.

So I've been trying to learn a routine for this gig on December 15th that all the other ladies did last year at the big spring show (which I wasn't in, as I hadn't joined the troupe yet).  So in addition to tracking down a matching costume that fits, I'm learning the routine via DVD of last year's show.  I have never felt less graceful then trying to learn it in reverse on my tiny laptop.  Luckily it's a pretty straightforward drum solo, with everything squarely on the beats, but I really need to run it with the girls before the show - hard to do, since the show is at a (huge!) surpise party for one of them.

Speaking of ungraceful things, I wish I had taken a picture of myself attempting the splits on my apartment floor.  Reyna mentioned casually that one of the routines for the spring would have the splits in it.  "You can do the splits, right?" she said to me.  "Oh, sure, if I have a few months," I say.  Scene change: me in on my floor in front of the mirror approximately 12 inches off the ground.  Guess what?  Mama can't do the splits anymore.  It had been a good nine years since I tried, but I never realized just how unflexible I'd become.  How would I know?  It's not like I've been doing fan kicks in my everyday life (how I wish - it was my childhood dream to be a Rockette but alas, I'm too short), or penchee arabesques in bellydance or ballroom class.

So, I see an early New Year's resolution coming on.  I have to work on my physical flexibility (I think gyrotonics is going to be the way I go), but mental flexibility is going to be an element.  I stress so much, and I can feel how that affects my body.  Just as I know that my dancing is never going to be perfect, I need to allow my daily life and schoolwork to be imperfect as well.  As I get deep into finals season, I fall back on old OCD patterns to gain control over some small corner of my life - my surroundings.  When I have a final paper worth an entire semester's grade due in 48 hours, that is not the time to reorganize my closet, but I do it anyway.  So my goal for the new year is to let some mess into my life and be imperfect.  Ask a dumb question in class and do a wrong step in a dance lesson, then shrug it off and try again.